求托福作文批改！谢谢！！

Question

题目是：如果只能选一个方式提高自己的健康选哪个？吃得健康？多运动？减少压力？More and more people pay attention to their fitness and keep a good figure nowadays, but what should we do if we want to improve our health condition? Some people would like to say that we should do more exercise and reduce the pressure from study and work, while others think that the most important thing for a better fitness is having a good food habit. In my opinion, i would agree with the latter one. I will try to demonstrate my point in the following paragraphs.
First, healthy food can supply necessarily nutritive substances for our body and thus
can improve one's health condition. We should eat more vegetables and fruits,
like tomatoes, carrots, apples, kiwi fruit and so forth, in that fruits like these have
many abundant vitamins which play an important role in our body.
I keep eating fruits after having my meals everyday, so i have a better metabolism than i don't do that.

"A closed mouth catches no flies", this old chinese saying might represent what i mean. What makes many people ill is that they eat lots of bad food. According to a research report from the human health department of Beijing university, more than 83% students eat barbecue three to five times a week. Yet, they has not realized that their health condition has been worse everyday, because there are many toxic materials from carbons using for barbecue, it not only undermines your health, also pollutes our environment. Only when we reduce our bad eating habits, can our health condition become improved.
Granted, Possessing a healthy body have a close relation with exercising or reducing
pressure. By doing this, we might obtain a better physique and healthier mentality. But be that as it may, all of these are based on a healthy food habit. Just imagine what it would happen if one often eats junk food, like what i said above, barbecue or some fried foods, even though he exercises everyday.

To sum up, from what have been discussed above, we may safely draw the conclusion that having a healthier food would improve your health condition better.
求帮忙润色修改啊！！

Answer 1

个人给点建议吧，开头太像中式英语作文开头了，自己改进一下，别用什么more and more,还有develop这些词，就是不要在开头用，太多学生都用这样的开头了。
开头看起来有点模板的感觉==可能是我看太多这类了，不过这样也是可以的
还有don't要写出do not！以此类推is not ,这些都不能缩起来，要分开写
第一个理由第一句就表明要点这很好，但是第二点要把主题句提前再说调查内容，这样你文章调理会更清晰
最后总结，讲一下你的主要原因，这样效果更好，如果有能力最后一句写个问题引人深思，这个建立在问题是否与题目有相连性，这个风险比较大，有把握才写上去
希望我的建议能够帮助到你

Answer 2

你的文章基本没有错误，还有很多专业字。希望我能帮助你解疑释惑。