One night Idecided to spend some time building a happier and closer relationship with my daughter. For several weeks she had been asking me to play chess with her,so I suggested a game and she eagerly accepted.It was a school night,however,and at ine o'clock my daughter asked if Icould hurry my moves,because she needed to go to bed;she had to get up at six in the morning. Iknew she had strict sleeping habits, but Ithought she ought to be able to give up some of this strictness. I said to her,"Come on, you can stay up late for once.We're having fun". We played on for another fifteen minutes,during which time she looked anxious.Finally she said,"Please,Daddy,do it quickly.""No,"Ireplied,"If you are going to play it well,you're going to play ti slowl." And so we continued for another ten mimutes,util suddenly my daughter burst into tears,and admitted that she was beaten.
Clearly Ihad made a mistake. Ihad started the evening wanting to have a happy time with my daughter but had allowed my desire to win to become more important than my relationship with my daughter. When I was a child,my desire to win served me well. As a parent, Irealized tha ti got in my way. So Ihad to change.