托福作文批改

这个是我第一篇独立作文。希望大家批改下
题目是
do you agree or disagree that there are times that lying is acceptable.

There are times when lying is acceptable. When it comes to the selection of agree or not, quite a few would claim that there will never be excuse for any forms of lying, while others, in contrast, deem the attitude that lying in some context can be reasonable as the premier choice. For my perspective, it is more advisable and sagacious to disagree with the point that lying can be acceptable as my inclination. There will be inevitably be numerous reasons why I disagree with that, and I would just explore only a few of the most important ones here.

The reason why I disagree with the statement that there are times when lying is acceptable, without reservation, is that it attaches much importance to be honesty instead of telling lies then looking for excuse to cover it. It can be elevated to a high level that honesty is the virtue of human, if someone is fond of lying, what he/she will get is nothing but abandoned and detested by others. Take the statistic of one survey about how lying affect people by the authorized department as one of the conspicuous evidence, it shows that 73% liars cannot be tolerated by society whatever reasons entailing their behaviors of lying. Obviously, it can demonstrate my opinion of disagreeing lying excellently with such high accuracy and pertinency.

Furthermore, another essential factor for my propensity for disagreement is that lying can become a part of someone’s life which will lead towards a fatal path. Just take the case of a thing that happened to my friend Mars, he used to be a great student in my university with lots of honors and had a prominent prospect. However, once his tutor happened to discover that his academic article somewhat had something similar to other papers in the same area. Then he insisted that he was innocent and what happened is just a coincidence, while the fact is that he copied other paper indeed. Definitely his tutor cannot be cheated so easily and as a consequence, his greatest prospect was destroy all by himself only because he is lying, especially on such a serious academic area.

Admittedly, it would probably not be too kindly disposed to the idea that lying is always leads to entropy. However, lying sometimes can have a positive effect. Just like “white lies”, the liar maybe has to tell lies in attempt to help others instead of origin in the interest of himself, in some given contexts lying is acceptable since it is the choice faced with no choice.

However, if all these factors are contemplated, the predominance of disagree lying carry more weight. From what has been discussed above, I finally draw the conclusion that I disagree with the statement there are times when lying is acceptable.

作文整体上,水平还是比较高的。
差不多有70分了。
但是,语言不够精炼。
比如第一段,可以很直接的摆出自己的观点,我不接受撒谎。

第二点,作文出了语言上的华丽和丰富,需要注重内容的深度。
你列举的不接受撒谎的两个原因,其实很单薄。
你可以在GOOGLE的英文版中搜一下相关的文章和资料,挖掘一些深入的理由,拓宽一下思维。

第三点,思路可以在放的开一些,比如反面例证的写法,我不接受撒谎,那么诚实呢,诚实有什么好处呢。

写作的基础还是不错的。值得肯定。
但是在训练写作的时候,需要去不断的思考写作的逻辑性和深度。这个更为重要。
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第1个回答  2010-07-22
你可以到新东方批改网上提交一下 那里有新东方的老师给你批改
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