高分悬赏！急！请专业人士检查并修改以下托福作文语句，主要看有没有语法错误

Question

我要用在托福作文里的，主要检查有没有语法错误，或者怎么表达能更符合美国人的思维习惯，如果能大概评一下分就更好了（当然我指的是单就这些例子或句子而言），马上要考了来不及了，速度改，谢谢！！
1.A person can enlarge his or her public relations circle by making friends in different backgrounds.一个人可以通过交不同背景的朋友来扩大社交圈。
2.It can benefit individuals by expanding their knowledge and horizons.
这能扩大一个人的知识面和视野
3.Da Vinci, a famous painter remembered for the masterpieces “Mona Lisa” and “The Last Supper”, has made equally significant contributions to many fields such as architecture, engineering, geology and biology.It is because of his profound knowledge of all these disciplines that he can create so many great art works.
4.Beethoven, a famous musician remembered for the masterpiece” Symphony No.5”,has lived a quite hard life. He began to lose his hearing at a middle age and became entirely deaf at last.However, this obstacle never stopped his steps forward. If he chose to give up in that hard time, then we will lose an outstanding composer today. It is because of his strong will that he can create so many great art works.
5.In recent food market, an increasing number of food producers began to put harmful additives into easy-prepared foods in order to reduce their production costs. For instance, industrial plasticizer, sudan one and ripening agents all have triggered a number of controversies.In this case, many people are willing to cook food by themselves instead of eating some fast food. At least, they wash vegetables and cut meat by themselves, therefore the safety of these food materials can be guaranteed to some extent.
6.The love, the friendship and the spirit of perseverance expressed in this movie indeed has a great educational significance to the public.
7.The girl’s spirit of persistence indeed encouraged lots of people to struggle for their goals.
8.An economist needs some mathematical skills to explain economic phenomena; a musician needs some background knowledge about music history to understand the meanings of classic compositions; an archeologist needs some geological methods to date ancient sites.
9.As a high school student, I spend 1 hour practicing tennis after school every afternoon.At the moment the ball hit the racket, I feel as if all the pressure has disappeared.Playing tennis brings me a lot of joy, and at the same time, helps to refresh my mind from brainwork all day long, which stimulates my brain to work more actively and efficiently the next day.

Answer 1

1、语法上没什么错，不过我觉得最后这样更好making friends have different kinds of backgrounds
2、翻译过来是“扩大一个人的知识面和视野对个人有利”，如果按你的翻译，应该是“This can expandi their knowledge and horizons”
3、一个小错误has made equally significant contributions to 中的equally 是副词，但这儿修饰的contribution是名词，用equal
4、never stopped his steps forward，forward放到steps前面
5、没什么语法错误，不过这句话 instead of eating some fast food，我觉得应该加s，加s表明是多种食物，不加s就只是一种食物。还有sudan one是什么意思？
6、在has前面加个So it。或者是This movie has a great educational significance to the public because the love, the friendship and the spirit of perseverance expressed in this movie indeed
7、indeed是副词，放在句末，除了频率副词，一般副词都是放在句末
8、没什么错
9、.At the moment the ball hit the racket这句话你想表达的应该是“球打到球拍的时候”所以应该是“By the time when ball hits the racket（ball单三，hit加s）”
and at the same time, helps to refresh my mind from brainwork all day long改成and helps to refresh my mind from brainwork all day long at the same time.更连贯

如果还有问题的话我明天早上再解答。

Answer 2

1.A person can enlarge his social circle by making friends with people from different backgrounds.一个人可以通过交不同背景的朋友来扩大社交圈。
2.It can benefit people by broading their knowledge and minds.
这能扩大一个人的知识面和视野
3.Da Vinci, a famous painter remembered for his masterpieces “Mona Lisa” and “The Last Supper”,also made significant contributions to many other fields such as architecture, engineering, geology and biology.It is because of his profound knowledge of all these disciplines that he can create so many great art works.
4.Beethoven, a famous musician remembered for the masterpiece” Symphony No.5”,has lived quite a hard life. He began to lose his hearing in his middle age and became entirely deaf at last.However, he never stopped his journey . If he chose to give up in that hard time, then we would lose an outstanding composer today. It is because of his strong will that he can create so many great art works.
5.In current food market, an increasing number of food producers began to put harmful additives into easy-prepared foods in order to reduce their production costs. For instance, industrial plasticizer, sudan one and ripening agents all have triggered a number of controversies.In this case, many people are willing to cook food by themselves instead of eating some fast food. At least, they wash vegetables and cut meat by themselves, therefore the safety of these food materials can be guaranteed to some extent.
6.The love, the friendship and the spirit of perseverance expressed in this movie deeply has a great educational influence on the public.
7. the spirit of persistence of the girl indeed has encouraged lots of people to struggle for their goals.
8.An economist needs some mathematical skills to explain economic phenomena; a musician needs some basic knowledge about music history to appreciate the meanings of classic compositions; an archeologist needs some geological methods to date ancient sites.
9.As a high school student, every day i spend one hour practicing tennis after school . the moment the ball hit the racket, I feel as if all the pressure has disappeared.Playing tennis not only brings me a lot of joy but also helps to refresh my mind from brainwork all day long, which stimulates my brain to work more actively and efficiently next day.
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Answer 3

1.A person can expand his or her public 'relationship network' by making friends 'from' different backgrounds.
2.
3.Da Vinci, a famous painter remarkable for his masterpieces “Mona Lisa” and “The Last Supper”, 'had' made equally significant contributions to many fields such as architecture, engineering, geology and biology.It is because of his profound knowledge of all these disciplines that he can create so many great art works.
4.Beethoven, a famous musician remembered for the masterpiece” Symphony No.5”,had lived a quite hard life. He began to lose his hearing at 'his' middle age and became entirely deaf at last.However, this obstacle never stopped his steps forward. If he 'had chosen' to give up in that hard time, then we would lose an outstanding composer today. (虚拟语气） It is because of his strong will that he can create so many great art works.
5.In recent food market, an increasing number of food producers has begun to put harmful additives into easy-prepared foods in order to reduce their production expenses. For instance, industrial plasticizer, sudan one and ripening agents all have triggered a number of controversies.In this case, many people are willing to cook food by themselves instead of eating (delete 'some') fast food. Since (At least,) they wash vegetables and cut meat by themselves, the safety of these food materials can be guaranteed to some extent.
6.The love, the friendship and the spirit of perseverance expressed in this movie indeed 'have' a great educational significance to the public.
7.The spirit of persistence of " the girl" indeed encouraged lots of people to chase ("struggle"..是说奋斗吗？) for their goals.
8.An economist needs some mathematical skills to explain economic phenomena; a musician needs some background knowledge about music history to understand the meanings of classic compositions; an archeologist needs some geological methods to date ancient sites.
9.As a high school student, I spend 1 hour practicing tennis after school every afternoon."Every time" the ball hits the racket, I feel as if all the pressure has disappeared.Playing tennis brings me a lot of joy, and at the same time, helps to refresh my mind from "the" brainwork all day long, which stimulates my brain to work more actively and efficiently the next day.
改过的地方用了双引号