麻烦哪位英文高手帮我翻译下面几句话，紧急，在线等！

Question

他只会对女生说我爱你吗？这是第几次了？
He will only for girls say I love you? This is how many times?
所以他总是失败啊！
So he always fail!
喔，女士，请原谅我的直白，你真的太漂亮了，我情不自禁的想对你表达我的爱意，我想你应该会允许我请你共进下午茶，是吧？倒茶！
Oh, lady, please forgive my sleeves, you really too good, I can't help to you to express my love, I think you should let me treat you together in the afternoon tea, is it? Pour tea!
你喜欢这里？小的们，你们想要这位女士成为这里的女主人吗？
Do you like it here? Kids, you want the lady become here mistress?
我想你也这样希望的吧？如果不是的话，这将是你最后的下午茶，所以接受我的爱意吧！
I think you also hope for that? If not, it will be your last afternoon tea, so accept my love!
女士，别害怕，跟我在一起吧，我会保护你的。
Lady, don't be afraid, together with me right, I will protect you.
拜托，你以为你像加菲猫一样可爱吗？丑八怪，快滚回家吧！好了现在给你一分钟考虑！
Please, you think you like Garfield as cute? Disfigured, quick go home! Ok now give you a minute to think!
你以为你戴了一顶假发就可以掩盖你秃头的事实嘛？
Do you think you have a wig can cover you bald fact?
你真的认为你有九条命吗？闭上你的嘴！
Do you really think you have nine lives? Shut your mouth!
我只是在陈述事实，不然你摘掉你的假发给大家看看。
I was merely stating facts, otherwise you take off your false to look everybody.
看来你真的是嫌命太多了！去死吧！
It seems that you really don't think life is too much! Go to hell!
需要帮忙吗？
You need some help?
——————
就是这几句的中文的翻译，下面的英文是我用有道词典翻译的，但是我感觉里面很多都是直译，语法什么都不对，麻烦哪位高手帮我翻译一下，尽量地道一点的英语。这是比赛要用的，希望大家帮帮忙，拜托啦！

Answer 1

Oh, ladies, please forgive me straightforward, you are really so beautiful, I can not help expressing my love for you, I suppose you allow me to ask you to have afternoon tea together, right? Tea!
Lady, don't be afraid, to be with me! I will protect you.
Come on! you think you are as cute as Garfield? Disfigured, begone! Ok, now I'll give you a minute to think about it!
You think you can cover up the fact that you are bald by wearing a wig?
I was merely stating facts, otherwise you take off your fake sent all of you.
It seems that you are really thinking that you life is too long!
其他的句子还好，虽然有些问句不符合语法，但是要比赛看起来像是表演或者话剧之类的，像什么You need some help?的句子反而会显得地道一些。个人建议不要用有道词典，很中式英语。可以试试了lingoes，灵格斯，比有道好，但是毕竟都是机器翻译，多看点电影书啊什么的。
希望有帮助。

Answer 2

他只会对女生说我爱你吗？这是第几次了？
Is "I love you" the only thing he can say to the girls? How many times has he already done so?
所以他总是失败啊！
That's why he always fails!
喔，女士，请原谅我的直白，你真的太漂亮了，我情不自禁的想对你表达我的爱意，我想你应该会允许我请你共进下午茶，是吧？倒茶！
Oh, my lady, please do forgive my rudeness, but you are so gorgeous. I cannot resist to express my love to you. Oh, you won't refuse some tea would you? (对仆人)Tea!
你喜欢这里？小的们，你们想要这位女士成为这里的女主人吗？
Do you like it here? My minions, do you want this very lady to be your (取决于爵位，可以用王后一直到子爵/勋爵夫人的英文，如果只是一个单纯的有钱变态的话……mistress吧……） mistress?
我想你也这样希望的吧？如果不是的话，这将是你最后的下午茶，所以接受我的爱意吧！
I think you hoped that too? Well, if not this will be your last afternoon tea, so please accept my love!
女士，别害怕，跟我在一起吧，我会保护你的。
Don't be afraid, my lady, stay with me, I will protect you.
拜托，你以为你像加菲猫一样可爱吗？丑八怪，快滚回家吧！好了现在给你一分钟考虑！
Oh come on, do you honestly think you are as cute as Garfield? Get out and go home you ugly bitch! You have one minute to consider the consequences!
你以为你戴了一顶假发就可以掩盖你秃头的事实嘛？
Do you think your wig can cover you bald head?
你真的认为你有九条命吗？闭上你的嘴！
Do you really think you have nine lives? Shut the fuck up!
我只是在陈述事实，不然你摘掉你的假发给大家看看。
I was just stating the fact, or you can take off your wig and show everybody.
看来你真的是嫌命太多了！去死吧！
Looks you really want to die! Go to hell!
需要帮忙吗？
Need some help?（这句话的语境很重要啊，贵族说和平民说不一样，不同场合也不一样啊例如May I help you也这个意思但是正式很多）

Answer 3

悬赏分都没有，估计人家也只会帮你用有道翻译。

Answer 4

我来试试,翻译的不好不要见笑哈
Is he always saying "I love you" to girls? How many times it is?
So he always failed.
Oh, lady,please forgive my frankness.You are so nice that I can't help expressing my love to you,and I believe you will accept my offer of afternoon tea,is that? Make tea!
You like here? Guys, do you wish this lady to become the mistress here?
I think you have the same idea,otherwise this will be the last afternoon tea for you!So accept my love!
Lady, don't be afraid.I'll protect you.
Please! Do you think you are as cute as Garfield?Disfigured,quickly go to your home!Ok,give you one minite to consider.
Do you think you can cover the fact of your baldness with a wig?
Do you really think you can die nine times?Shut up!
I have just uncover the truth,you can take off your wig and show it to everyone.
It seems that you are bored with you life.Go to hell!
Do you need some helf?

Answer 5

-All he can do it's saying "i love you" you to girls? how many times had this happen?
-That's why he always fails.
-Oh, ma'am. please forgive my frankness, you are truely so pretty that makes me couldn't help myself to expree my love to you, i think you wouln't mind to have afternoon tea with me, right? Tea, please!
-Do you like this place? Hey, kids, do you want this lady over here to be your mistress?
-I think that's what you think, too, so accept my love to you!
-Ma'am. don't you be afriad! Be with me, and i will protect you!
-Come on, you think you are as cute as Garfield? Disfigured, go back to will you belong! Ok, now you have a minute to think about it!
-Do you really think that you can cover the fact that you are a bald by wearing a wig?
-I am telling th truth, or else, you take off your wig and show it to everyone.
-It seems like you really think that you can live long! Go to hell!
-Do you need any help?

有道词典还好， 词汇比较多， 但是不要用翻译， 绝对会把人气死的！ 以上都是自己翻译的哦~ 祝你比赛好运 :)