谁能告诉我一些英国人喜欢讲的笑话啊

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英语笑话

1 A little boy asked his father: Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?The father replied: I don 't know son. I 'm still paying!!一个小男孩问他的爸爸,结婚要花多少钱?爸爸说:我不知道,因为我仍然在付帐。

2 A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. "Now, children," said she , "has anyone of you ever make someone else glad?"

"Please, teacher,"said a small boy,"I've make someone glad yesterday."

"Well done. Who was that?"

"My granny."

"Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grandmother glad."

"Please, teacher, I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her three hours. Then I said to her, 'Granny, I'm going home,' and she said, 'Well, I'm glad'!"

一个主日学校校(基督教教会为了向儿童灌输宗教思想, 在星期天开办的儿童班)的老师在对学生讲使别人高兴的重要性。“现在,孩子们,”她说:“你们当中有谁让别人高兴过?”

“我,老师,”一个小男孩说:“昨天我就使别人高兴过。”

“做得好,是谁呢?”

“我奶奶。”

“好孩子。现在告诉我们,你是怎样使你奶奶高兴的。”

“是这样的,老师。我昨天去看她,在她那儿呆了三个小时。然后我跟她说:‘奶奶,我要回家了。’她说:‘啊,我很高兴!

3 Dick was seven years old, and his sister, Catherine, was five. One day their mother took them to their aunt's house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes.

The children played for an hour, and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen. She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him, "Now here's a knife, Dick. Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister, but remember to do it like a gentleman."

"Like a gentleman?" Dick asked. "How do gentlemen do it?"

"They always give the bigger piece to the other person." answered his aunt at once.

"Oh" said Dick. He thought about this for a few seconds. Then he took the cake to his sister and said to her,"Cut this cake in half, Catherine.".

迪克年龄七岁,他的妹妹凯瑟琳五岁。一天,妈妈把他们带到姨妈家去玩,自己就到大城市去买些新的衣服。

孩子们玩了个把小时,在四点半的时候,姨妈领着迪克走进了厨房。她交给迪克一块精美的蛋糕和一把刀子,并对他说:“喏,迪克,给你刀子,把这块蛋糕一切为二,给你妹妹一块。不过,你得记住要做得像一个绅士那样。”

迪克问:“像一个绅士?绅士怎样做呢?”

他姨妈马上回答说:“绅士总是把大的一块让给别人的。”

迪克说了一声“噢”。他对此想了一会,然后,他把蛋糕拿给妹妹,并对她说:“凯瑟琳,你来把这块蛋糕一切为二吧。”

4 Stan: I won 92 goldfish.

Fred: Where are you going to keep them?

Stan: In the bathroom 。

Fred: But what will you do when you want to take a bath?

Stan: Blindfold them!

斯丹:我赢了 92 条金鱼。

弗雷德:你想在哪儿养它们?

斯丹:浴室。

弗雷德:但是你想洗澡时怎么办?

斯丹:蒙住它们的眼睛!

5 George knocked on the door of his friend's house. When his friend's mother answered he asked, “can Albert come out to play? ”

“ No,” said the mother, “it's too cold. ”

“ Well, then, ” said George, “ can his football come out to play ? ”

乔冶敲着他朋友家的门。当朋友的妈妈来应门时,他问:“阿尔伯特可以出来玩吗? ”

“ 不行, ” 那位妈妈说, “ 天气太冷了。 ”

“ 噢,那么, ” 乔冶, “ 他的足球可以出来玩吗?

出国必备英文日常用语

▲Potluck Party 一种聚餐方式,主人准备场地和餐具,叁加的人必须带一道菜准备饮料,最好事先问问主人的意思。

▲Pull over!把车子开到旁边。

▲Drop me a line!写封信给我。

▲Give me a ring. = Call me!来个电话吧!

▲For here or to go?食堂或外卖。

▲cool; Thats cool! 等于国内年轻人常用的囗语“酷!”,表示不赖嘛!用于人或事均可。

▲Whats up? = Whats happening? = Whats new? 见面时随囗问候的话“最近在忙什么?有什么新鲜事吗?”一般的回答是“Nothing much!” 或“Nothing new!”

▲Cut it out! = Knock it out!= Stop it! 少来这一套!同学之间开玩笑的话。

▲Dont give me a hard time! 别跟我过不去好不好!

▲Get yourself together! 振作点行不行!

▲Do you have the time? 现在几点钟?可别误以为人家要约你出去。

▲Hang in there. = Dont give up. = Keep trying. 再撑一下。

▲Give me a break ! 你饶了我吧!(开玩笑的话)
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第1个回答  2008-07-10
Money is not everything. There‘s Mastercard & Visa.
钞票不是万能的,有时还需要信用卡.

One should love animals. They are so tasty.

每个人都应该热爱动物,因为它们很好吃.

Save water. Shower with your girlfriend.

要节约用水,尽量和女友一起洗澡.

Love the neighbor. But don‘t get caught.

要用心去爱你的邻居,不过不要让她的老公知道.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

每个成功男人的背后,都有一个女人. 每个不成功男人的背后, 都有两个.

Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

再快乐的单身汉迟早也会结婚,幸福不是永久的嘛.

The wise never marry, And when they marry they become otherwise.

聪明人都是未婚的,结婚的人很难再聪明起来.

Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.

成功是一个相关名词,他会给你带来很多不相关的亲戚(联系).

Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.

不要等明天交不上差再找借口, 今天就要找好.

Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop.

爱情就象照片,需要大量的暗房时间来培养. (老外也保守,要摸黑办事,哈哈)

Children in backseats cause accidents. Accidents in backseats cause children.

后排座位上的小孩会生出意外, 后排座位上的意外会生出小孩.

“Your future depends on your dreams.“ So go to sleep.

“现在的梦想决定着你的将来“,所以还是再睡一会吧.

There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning.

应该有更好的方式开始新一天,而不是千篇一律的在每个上午都醒来.

“Hard work never killed anybody.“ But why take the risk? “

努力工作不会导致死亡!“不过我不会用自己去证明.

“Work fascinates me.“ I can look at it for hours! “

工作好有意思耶!“尤其是看着别人工作.

God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends.

神决定了谁是你的亲戚,幸运的是在选择朋友方面他给了你留了余地.

When two‘s company, three‘s the result!

两个人的状态是不稳定的,三个人才是!

A dress is like a barbed fence. It protects the premises without restricting the view.

服饰就象铁丝网,它阻止你冒然行动但并不妨碍你尽情的观看.

The more you learn, the more you know, The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know. So why bother to learn.

学的越多,知道的越多, 知道的越多,忘记的越多, 忘记的越多,知道的越少, 为什么学来着?!

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