School should strengthen safety education,it can enhance our security awareness,guarantee our security,and enable us to live in a safe environment.
学校应该加强安全教育,它能够增强我们的安全意识,有效保障我们的安全,使我们能够生活在安全的环境中
School should strengthen safety education, it can enhance our security awareness, guarantee our security, and enable us to live in a safe environment.
加粗部分就是需要修改的地方啦:
school:这句话里的“学校”应指普遍性的所有学校(不知道题主原本的语义是不是这样),所以应该是复数schools;
it:这里建议把it变为which,即后文是由which引导的定语从句,不然整个句子分了四个部分,句式缺乏变换,过于冗杂啦;
security awareness:后面的一句是security,这句是security awareness,有些重复了,可以尝试换词和改变表达方式,比如换成safety和awareness of sth.;
第三个逗号:and前面不用再加逗号,删除即可。
所以修改后的句子如下:
Schools should strengthen safety education, which can enhance our awareness of security, guarantee our safety and enable us to live in a secure environment.
不知道修改后的结果合不合题主的意呀,满意请采纳,也欢迎在追问区和我一起讨论呀!