请英文高手帮我翻译下这篇文章~~~用翻译网站的就算了

Question

A good place to find white people on a Saturday is at a Bike Shop. Bike shops are almost entirely staffed and patronized by white people!
But not all white people love bicycles in the same way, there is much diversity. First up, we have the younger urban white folks who absolutely love their fixed gear bicycles. These are seen all over college towns, Silverlake in LA, Williamsburg in Brooklyn, Queen West in Toronto, and Victoria, British Columbia. Fixed gear bicycles meet a lot of requirements for white person acceptance. They can be made from older (i.e. vintage) bicycles, thus allowing the rider to have a unique bike that is unlikely to be ridden by anyone else in town. They are also easily customizable with expensive things Aerospoke rims, Phil Wood Hubs, and Nitto Parts. The combination of rare bicycles and expensive parts makes it easy for white people to judge other white people on the quality and originality of their bicycles. This is important in determining if someone is or isn’t cooler than you.
White people also like Mountain Bikes because it lets them be in nature. It’s really not more complicated than that.
And finally, they love expensive Road Bikes and the accompanying spandex uniforms. This enables them to ride long distances and wear really tight clothes without any social stigmas. These types of riders will spend upwards of $5,000 on a bicycle and up to $400 on accessories, but will not ride to work. Perhaps because they cannot wear the spandex. It is important that you never question why someone needs a $5000 bicycle since the answer is always “performance.”
For the most part, these rules have been unisex. But there is a special category of bicycles that appeal far more to white women, the European city bike (pictured). White women have a lot of fantasies about idealized lives, and one of them is living in Europe and riding around an old city on one of these bikes. They dream about waking up and riding to a little cafe, then visiting bakeries and cheese shops and finally riding home to prepare a fancy meal for their friends who will all eat under a canopy with white Christmas lights. This information can be used to help gain the trust/admiration of a white woman, especially if you can pull off a lie about how your mother told you about how she used to do all of these things when she was younger.
And of course, it goes without saying that white people who ride bikes like to talk about how they are saving the earth. If you know a person who rides to work, you should take them aside and say “Hey, thanks. Sincerely, The Earth.” Then give a thumbs up. That white person will ride home on a cloud.

Answer 1

一个好的位置，以寻找在星期六的白人是一家自行车店。自行车商店的工作人员几乎完全由白人惠顾！
但是，并非所有白人人爱以同样的方式自行车，有许多差异。首先，我们有年轻的城市绝对喜欢谁的固定齿轮自行车白色乡亲。这些都是大学生到处可见城镇，在洛杉矶，在布鲁克林，皇后大道西威廉斯堡在多伦多，和维多利亚，不列颠哥伦比亚省银湖。固定齿轮自行车满足白了很多人接受的要求。他们可从旧（即葡萄酒）自行车，从而使车手有一个独特的自行车是不可能被任何人在其他城市充满。他们也很容易定制与Aerospoke轮辋昂贵的东西，菲尔木材集线器，和日东部件。自行车的稀有昂贵的部件组合，更容易被白人判断的质量和独创性的自行车其他白人。这是很重要的决定，如果有人或没有比你更冷。
还要山地自行车白人，因为这可以让他们在性质。它确实不是要复杂得多。
最后，他们喜欢昂贵的自行车道和随附氨纶制服。这使得他们可以乘坐长途跋涉，穿没有任何社会柱头真的很紧的衣服。这些类型的车手将在自行车上的花费五千元以上和最高不超过400配件，但不会上班的路上。或许是因为他们不能穿的氨纶。重要的是，你从来没有问题，为什么有人需要5000美元自行车，因为答案总是“的表现。”
在大多数情况下，这些规则已经男女皆宜。但是有一个特殊类别的自行车有吸引力大得多的白人妇女，欧洲城市自行车（图）。白人妇女大约有理想的生活幻想很多，其中之一是生活在欧洲和骑马围绕在这些自行车之一的老城区。他们梦想着清醒，并乘车前往一小咖啡馆，然后访问面包店和奶酪店，最后骑回家准备为他们的朋友谁都会吃根据与白色圣诞灯饰冠吃大餐。这些信息可以用来帮助赢得信任/一名白人女子表示钦佩，特别是如果你能实现一个关于你母亲的谎言如何告诉你们她是如何用做所有这些事情在她年轻。
当然，不用说，谁骑自行车的白人想谈谈他们如何拯救地球。如果你知道一个人谁游戏机工作，你应该把他们放在一边，说：“嗨，谢谢。此致，地球。“然后伸出大拇指了。该白皮书人将乘云家。