英语小笑话

如题。
单词简单,小学的水准。对话的形式。5到6句即可。
带翻译。
初一英语课本上的不要。 搞笑一点。 分够高了。

The Fish Net

"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"

"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

鱼网

"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗,安?" 老师发问道。

"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。

The New Teacher

George comes from school on the first of September.

"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.

"I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."

新老师

9月1日, 乔治放学回到家里。

"乔治,你喜欢你们的新老师吗?" 妈妈问。

"妈妈,我不喜欢,因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。"

A physics Examination

Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.

The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?

Nick\'s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.

一次物理考试

在一次物理考试时,当同学们都还在苦思冥想时,尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。

这个问题是:为什么在打雷时,我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声?

尼克的回答是:因为眼睛在前,耳朵在后。

Two birls

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

两只鸟

老师: 这儿有两只鸟,一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子,哪只是麻雀吗?

学生:我指不出,但我知道答案。

老师:请说说看。

学生:燕子旁边的就是麻雀,麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

He Won

Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.

他赢了
汤姆:约翰尼,你小弟弟好吗?
约翰尼:他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆:真糟糕,怎么回事儿?
约翰尼:我们做游戏,看谁能把身子探出窗外最远,他赢了。

A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”
“她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒

一天,父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄,老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道:“爸爸,‘醉’字是什么意思?” “唔,孩子,”父亲回答说,“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个,那么我就算醉了。” “可是,爸爸, ”孩子说,“那儿只有一个警察呀!”

Jane:mom,what's the meaning of angel?
Mom:angel is a kind of person who can fly and with wing.
Jane:but miss helen can't fly,but why did dad call her "my angle"?
Mom(with angry):really?oh,I will let her fly at once!
简:妈妈,天使是什么意思?
妈妈:天使是一种有翅膀,会飞的人.
简:但是海伦小姐不会飞,爸爸为什么叫她"我的天使"呢?
妈妈(气愤地):真的?好,我马上就叫她飞!
温馨提示:答案为网友推荐,仅供参考
第1个回答  2009-12-16
I Wasn't Asleep

When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"

"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.

"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."

"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."

我没有睡着

当一群妇女上车之后,车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了,他担心这个人会坐过站,就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他,说:“先生,醒醒!”

“我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。

“没睡着?可是你眼睛都闭上了呀?”

“我知道,我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。”
The poor husband

"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.

可怜的丈夫

“你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难,”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说,“她问我一个问题,然后自己回答了,过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。”Where is the father?

Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"

"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"

The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."

父亲在哪儿?

兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。

“看,”哥哥说,“这些画多漂亮呀!”

“是啊,”弟弟说道,“可是在所有这些画中,只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢?”

哥哥想了会儿,然后解释道:“很明显,他当时正在画这些画呗。”

Does the dog know the proverb, too?

The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.

"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"

"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"

狗也知道这个谚语吗?

一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。

“没有关系,”一位先生说,“不用害怕,你知道这条谚语吗:‘吠狗不咬人。’”

“啊,我是知道,可是狗也知道吗?”
第2个回答  2009-12-19
ass and man 驴
1.和买驴的人

A man wanted to buy an ass. He went to the market, and saw a likely one. But he wanted to

test him first. So he took the ass home, and put him into the stable with the other asses.

The new ass looked around, and immediately went to choose a place next to the laziest ass in

the stable. When the man saw this he put a halter on the ass at once, and gave him back to

his owner. The owner felt quite surprised. He asked the man, "Why are you back so soon? Have

you tested him already?" "I don't want to test him any more," replied the man, "From the

companion he chose for himself, I could see what sort of animal he is."

中文:一个买主到市场上去买驴,他看中一头外表不错的驴,但是他想要牵走试一试。他把驴牵回家,放

在自己其他的驴之间,这驴四处看看,立即走向一头好吃懒做的驴旁边。于是,买驴的人立刻给那头驴套

上辔头,牵去还给驴的卖主。卖主感到很奇怪,他问买主:“你怎么这么快就回来了?”买主说:“不必

再试了,从他所选择什么样的朋友来看,我已经知道他是什么样了。”

2.The Looney Bin
疯人院
Late one night at the insane asylum (疯人院)one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"

Another one said, "How do you know?"

The first inmate said, "God told me!"

Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"

一天晚上,在疯人院里,一个病人说:"我是拿破仑!"另一个说:"你怎么知道?"第一个人说:"上帝对

我说的!"一会儿,一个声音从另一个房间传来:"我没说!"

Notes:

(1)Looney (俚语)疯子

(2)inmate(n.同住者,同室者(特指在医院、监狱))

(3)insane asylum (疯人院)

3.A mother mouse
老鼠的第二语言也重要
A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she

spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and

the cat watched the mice.

Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat

was so terrified that it ran for it's life.

Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "Now, do you

understand the value of a second language?"

一只母老鼠带着孩子出来散步,突然她看见一只猫正在灌木丛中虎视耽耽。

母老鼠向着猫叫道:“汪,汪,汪”,猫听了非常害怕,拼命跑走了。

母老鼠回过头洋洋自得的对孩子说:“现在你知道外语的重要性了吧。”
第3个回答  2009-12-12
I'm Trying to Stop It

"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?"

"No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."
“孩子,你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵?它感染了吗?”

“没有,老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进,一个耳朵里出,所以我要把它堵在里面。”

“I'm sorry ,Madam ,but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .”

“Twenty d ollars! Why ,I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”

“Yes ,but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”

“对不起,夫人,为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。”

“20美元!为什么?不是说好只要4美元。”

“是的,但是你的孩子大喊大叫,把另外四个病人吓跑了。”

TWO: Teacher:We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract. Now,can anyone give me a good example?

John:Well ,in the summer the days are long,and in the winter the days are short.

老师:我们都知道热胀冷缩的道理。现在,谁给我举个例子?

约翰:嗯,在夏天天都长,在冬天天都短。
第4个回答  2009-12-26
I'm Trying to Stop It

"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?"

"No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."
“孩子,你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵?它感染了吗?”

“没有,老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进,一个耳朵里出,所以我要把它堵在里面。”

“I'm sorry ,Madam ,but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .”

“Twenty d ollars! Why ,I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”

“Yes ,but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”

“对不起,夫人,为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。”

“20美元!为什么?不是说好只要4美元。”

“是的,但是你的孩子大喊大叫,把另外四个病人吓跑了。”

TWO: Teacher:We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract. Now,can anyone give me a good example?

John:Well ,in the summer the days are long,and in the winter the days are short.

老师:我们都知道热胀冷缩的道理。现在,谁给我举个TOM'S EXCUSE

Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?

Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go
Slow".

汤姆的借口

老师:汤姆,您为什么每天上学迟到?
汤姆:我每次路过拐角,一个路标上面写着:"学校----慢行。"
例子?

约翰:嗯,在夏天天都长,在冬天天都短。
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