给外教的求助信 ，请求润色

Question

Dear Bonnie:
Hi ! I'm your student in XX University.My English name is Joe,Chinese name is XXX. Long time no see. : )
I'm one of the Computer Secience class.Unfortunately, I failed in the second term of our English study.My final grade is 57.2. I was suprised because my English study NEVER cause me any trouble before. So I questioned my grade and found that my "Self-study Hall" grade is 0(15) and my regular grade is 2(5). I asked Mr Huang,the chief of the Public English Education Offce.He told me that they didn't recieve my exam grade in "Self-study Hall" . So they can't help me.
At first I didn't think this is a big deal, because I thought English is 2 study-point,and I can study this course again in the next year.So I didn't turn to disturb your life.But this term I found that English course is 3 study-point and because of this I would lose my Bachelor Degree.I have to ask you for help.
Would you please change my regular grade ? I admit that I was absent 2 or 3 times in your class , but that is becase my health condition was quite poor and my friend Allan helped me to ask for a break .I finished all the journals and enjoyed many happy festivals such as Hallowmas , Thanksgiving Day and Easter. I still keep the rabbit chocolate you gave me.
Ms Bonnie,I reallly need your help.Please help me.
Hope to hear from you soon
Sincerely yours
Joe

PS: my student number is xxxxx

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以上就是给一位已经回国的女外教的求助信 。大概就是希望他高抬贵手 ，给我3分让我及格。 请各位润色下 。最好修改的地方 能用其他字体或者颜色 标示出来
就这点分了 在线等 不行以后再加
谢谢

Answer 1

那个学分应该翻译成credit而不是study-point，你说study-point人家怎么可能看懂？

把那个so I didn't turn to disturb your life去掉。然后后面改成Later on I found out that Entlish is a 3-credit course, and that I won't be able to get my bachelor's degree if I fail it.

另外，其实语法之类的不重要，重要的是你得言之有理。如果the Public English Education Offce没收到你的self-study hall的分数，因此不能给你改成绩，那外教凭什么要给你改成绩？你得拿出令人信服的理由来。反正我从你的信里没看出来。你因为这门课不能毕业并不是外教帮你改成绩的理由。你需要让他明白的是你这门课本就该拿到分，没拿到分数不是你的责任，你得解释解释为什么你没拿到那个self-study hall的成绩。

还有你也不用急着招认你缺了2、3次课，这不会是你不及格的理由。你finished所有的journal还有enjoyed什么什么节日还有你还留着他给你的巧克力，也不是你pass这门课的理由，你得说明你的成绩合格才可以。。。。

再另外，如果仅仅因为这一门英语课导致你不能毕业，那是非常荒谬的事。即使你是英语专业的学生，也不该这样。如果是我的话，我会投诉学校。。。。

Answer 2

Dear Bonnie:
Greetings. This is XXX (Joe) from XX University. I was one of your students while you were teaching here. I wish you are enjoying your time back home. 若你外教回国了的话.……。
I am one of the students in the Computer Science Program. Unfortunately, I have failed my English study in the second term. My final grade is 57.2. I was astonished since English had never caused me any trouble before. As I questioned my grade, I found out that my "Self-Study Hall" grade is 0 out 15 and my regular grade is 2 out 5. I then went to consulted Mr.Huang, the chief of Public English Education Office, regarding my grades. He told me that they did not recieve my grades for "Self-study Hall." As a result, they can not help me in any means.

At first I did not think that this is a big deal as I thought English is a 2 credit course. I do always have the chance to re-take this course next year. At the same time, I did not want to bother you since you have already left. However, as I discovered that the English course is a 3 creidt course and there is a potential for me to be disqualified from graduating with a Bachelor Degree due to acedamic regulations. At this point in time, I am desperately seeking for your help.

Would you please change my regular grade for that course? I need an extra 3 marks in the course to pass it. I do admit that I was absent two or three times for your class, but that was due to my health condition. My friend Allan had helped me to ask for a break. I finished reading all the journals and truely enjoyed all the festivals, such as Thanksgiving, Easter, and etc. I still have the chocolate bunny you gave me.

Ms Bonnie,I reallly need your help.Please help me.
Hope to hear from you soon。
Sincerely,

Joe

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我想说那个0/15的那个。。 你为什么没有成绩……
若是你本身就有的分数，但是某个人忘记输入分数的话，也可以提到啊。 15分不是小分啊。

Answer 3

Dear Ms. Bonnie,

I am Joe, Chinese name XXX. I was one of the students studying Computer Science at XX University. Unfortunately, I failed the second term of English Study. My final grade was 57.2. It surprised me because English Study was never a problem to me. I found that my grade of "Self-study" was 0(15), and regular grade 2(5). I asked Mr. Huang, the chief of Public English Education Office about that. He told me that they did not receive my final grade of "Self-study", so they could not help me.

At first I didn't think this was a big deal because I thought English was a 2-unit class and I could take it again next year. I did not want to bother you for that. This term I found that English course is a 3-unit class and because of that I would not be able to get my bachelor degree.

Would you please change my grade? I was absent 2 or 3 times from your class due to the poor health but I finished all the journals and enjoyed many happy festivals such as Halloween, Christmas, Thanksgiving and Easter. I still keep the rabbit chocolate you gave me.

Ms. Bonnie, I really need your help. Please help me.
Hope to hear from you soon

Sincerely yours,

Joe

Answer 4

Dear Bonnie:
Hi ! I'm your student at XX University. My English name is Joe, and Chinese name XXX. Long time no see. : )
I'm in one of the Computer Science class. Unfortunately, I failed in the second term of our English study. My final grade score is 57.2. I was surprised because my English study NEVER causes me any trouble before. So I questioned on my grade and found that my "Self-study Hall" grade is 0(15) and my regular grade is 2(5). I asked Mr Huang, the chief of the Public English Education Offce. He told me that they didn't recieve my exam grade in "Self-study Hall" . So they can't help me.
Initially I didn't think this really matters, because I thought English is only 2 credits, and I could take this course again next year. So I decide not to trouble you. But this term I discovered that English course is actually 3 credits and as a result I could lose my Bachelor Degree. So now I have to seek your help.
Would you please revise my regular grade? I admit that I was absent 2 to 3 times in your class, but that was due to my rather poor health and my friend Allan had helped me to request for a break. I finished all the journals and enjoyed many happy festivals such as Halloween, Christmas , Thanksgiving Day and Easter. In fact, I still keep the rabbit chocolate you gave me.
Ms Bonnie, I really need your help. Please help me.
Hope to hear from you soon
Sincerely yours
Joe

PS: my student number is xxxxx.