第1个回答 2012-05-21
英语幽默小故事
I Have His Ear in My Pocket
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?" "A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？” “一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢？ 他的耳朵在我衣兜里
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered."You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy." A Good Boy
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了？” 好孩子
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？“她是个卖糖果的。”
Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied theboy.
由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。好客
面试人员给一位前来应征的男士一张履历表，于是就填了这样的信息——
姓名：English or Chinese□英文的还是中文的？
年龄：Confidential（这是私人问题）
身高：Not related to the job（这跟工作有关系么）
体重：Varies all the time before lunch or after（随时改变饭前饭后都不同
居住地：At what stage of my life please be more specific（那是一个特别的地方，我生命的舞台）
电话：Ericsson（爱立信手机）
电子邮件：Only give to pretty and rich girls（只留给漂亮和富有的女孩）
上班时间：The shorter the better（越短越好）
应征职位：A position that has not much to do but surround by pretty and young girls（找一个不做什么实事，但能被美女包围的职位）
学历：Graduated at the wild chicken university（毕业于一个你找不着的大学
语言能力：Fluent in bullshits（侃大山是专长）
兴趣：Sleeping and sleeping（睡得天昏地暗）
生日：正月初七
经历：Fooling around all the time（游戏人生）
曾任职位：Decent or not decent□please be more specific（高级的或者低级的都是一种经历）
已婚未婚：Still looking for a rich and beautiful girl□hopefully can find in your company（我正在寻找漂亮又富有的女孩，希望在你们公司能找到
未来期望：Have a speech on stage and retire as soon as possible（只负责主席台讲话，并且希望尽早退休）
希望待遇：Lesser workload the better（比实际工作量拿得多就行
A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice.
Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat was so terrified that it ran for it's life.
Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "Now, do you understand the value of a second language?"
老鼠的第二语言也重要
一只母老鼠带着孩子出来散步，突然她看见一只猫正在灌木丛中虎视耽耽。
母老鼠向着猫叫道："汪，汪，汪"，猫听了非常害怕，拼命跑走了。
母老鼠回过头洋洋自得的对孩子说："现在你知道外语的重要性了吧。"
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window,and he won.
他赢了
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？ 约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。 汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
There was a barber in a developing country who had a little shed at the roadside to cut hair, and a certain man used to come in regularly for haircuts. One day he noticed that a dog was always sitting underneath, near the chair where the customers sat for their haircuts. So the man asked the barber, "Is that your dog?" And the barber replied, "No, he always comes every day. It's not my dog. I don't know whose dog it is." Then the customer asked, "So if it's not your dog, you never feed him, right?" And the barber said, "No." And the customer said, "Then why does he always come here every day?" And the barber answered, "He's waiting in case an ear comes off." A Very Patient Pooch
一处简陋的乡下，一位理发师傅在路边的小棚子帮人理发。有位经常 来理发的男士，注意到有一只狗老是喜欢坐在客人的座椅旁边，于是 他问师傅：那是你的狗吗？师傅答：不，不是我的狗，我不知 道那是谁的狗，不过，它每天都会来。那个客人又问：不是你的狗，那你从来没有喂过它吗？师傅回答：没有。客人又问:那它为什么每天都来？师傅回答：它在等看看有没有耳朵掉下来。 耐心的狗
第2个回答 2011-10-08
The Old Cat
An old woman had a cat. The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old. One day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it.
Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. She began to hit the cat. The cat said, "Do not hit your old servant. I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old. Do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young."
【译文】
老猫
一位老妇有只猫，这只猫很老，它跑不快了，也咬不了东西，因为它年纪太大了。一天，老猫发现一只老鼠，它跳过去抓这只老鼠，然而，它咬不住这只老鼠。因此，老鼠从它的嘴边溜掉了，因为老猫咬不了它。
于是，老妇很生气，因为老猫没有把老鼠咬死。她开始打这只猫，猫说：“不要打你的老仆人，我已经为你服务了很多年，而且还愿意为你效劳，但是，我实在太老了，对年纪大的不要这么无情，要记住老年人在年青时所做过的有益的事情。”
A man was going to the house of some rich person. As he went along the road, he saw a box of good apples at the side of the road. He said, "I do not want to eat those apples; for the rich man will give me much food; he will give me very nice food to eat." Then he took the apples and threw them away into the dust.
He went on and came to a river. The river had become very big; so he could not go over it. He waited for some time; then he said, "I cannot go to the rich man's house today, for I cannot get over the river."
He began to go home. He had eaten no food that day. He began to want food. He came to the apples, and he was glad to take them out of the dust and eat them.
Do not throw good things away; you may be glad to have them at some other time.
【译文】
一个人正朝着一个富人的房子走去，当他沿着路走时，在路的一边他发现一箱好苹果，他说：“我不打算吃那些苹果，因为富人会给我更多的食物，他会给我很好吃的东西。”然后他拿起苹果，一把扔到土里去。
他继续走，来到河边，河涨水了，因此，他到不了河对岸，他等了一会儿，然后他说：“今天我去不了富人家了，因为我不能渡过河。”
他开始回家，那天他没有吃东西。他就开始去找吃的，他找到苹果，很高兴地把它们从尘土中翻出来吃了。
不要把好东西扔掉，换个时候你会觉得它们大有用处。
The City Mouse and the Country Mouse
Once there were two mice. They were friends. One mouse lived in the country; the other mouse lived in the city. After many years the Country mouse saw the City mouse; he said, "Do come and see me at my house in the country." So the City mouse went. The City mouse said, "This food is not good, and your house is not good. Why do you live in a hole in the field? You should come and live in the city. You would live in a nice house made of stone. You would have nice food to eat. You must come and see me at my house in the city."
The Country mouse went to the house of the City mouse. It was a very good house. Nice food was set ready for them to eat. But just as they began to eat they heard a great noise. The City mouse cried, " Run! Run! The cat is coming!" They ran away quickly and hid.
After some time they came out. When they came out, the Country mouse said, "I do not like living in the city. I like living in my hole in the field. For it is nicer to be poor and happy, than to be rich and afraid."
【译文】
城里老鼠和乡下老鼠
从前，有两只老鼠，它们是好朋友。一只老鼠居住在乡村，另一只住在城里。很多年以后，乡下老鼠碰到城里老鼠，它说：“你一定要来我乡下的家看看。”于是，城里老鼠就去了。乡下老鼠领着它到了一块田地上它自己的家里。它把所有最精美食物都找出来给城里老鼠。城里老鼠说：“这东西不好吃，你的家也不好，你为什么住在田野的地洞里呢？你应该搬到城里去住，你能住上用石头造的漂亮房子，还会吃上美味佳肴，你应该到我城里的家看看。”
乡下老鼠就到城里老鼠的家去。房子十分漂亮，好吃的东西也为他们摆好了。可是正当他们要开始吃的时候，听见很大的一阵响声，城里的老鼠叫喊起来：“快跑！快跑！猫来了！”他们飞快地跑开躲藏起来。
过了一会儿，他们出来了。当他们出来时，乡下老鼠说：“我不喜欢住在城里，我喜欢住在田野我的洞里。因为这样虽然贫穷但是快乐自在，比起虽然富有却要过着提心吊胆的生活来说，要好些。”
Teacher:Why are you late for school every morning?
Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go slow".
老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到?
汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,就看见一个牌子上写着"学校----慢行".
A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
Drunk
One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"
醉酒
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”
第3个回答 2009-12-21
从前在森林深处有一个村庄，村庄里住着一对亡国的后出逃到此的国王和王后，妻子总是对隔壁男巫的杨梅恋恋不忘，于是丈夫每天都会去偷给心爱的妻子几颗杨梅，终于在一个深夜里年轻的男巫再也忍无可忍的站在了正在偷窃的丈夫的面前，吓破胆的国王跪在地上祈求着巫师的宽恕，男巫气愤的要求到：“你们的第一个孩子将作为杨梅的代替品。”男人不停的磕头感谢着巫师的仁慈。
然而这对夫妇在生下他们的第一个孩子后将她藏了起来。
“外面有魔物，不能出去啊艾斯蒂尔。”
直到女孩5岁那年自己追着蝴蝶跑出了家门，在森林深处迷了路，撞上了狼群。就在以为抱头就会得救的时候一个高大的身影挡在了她的面前。醒来后的艾斯蒂尔走到窗前发现自己置身于高塔之上。
“外面有魔物，不能出去。”一个冷漠的男声在隔壁的房间传了出来。小艾斯蒂尔犹豫着躲在门后偷偷瞄着房里正在煮饭的男人。“谢谢您救了我魔法师。”在男巫转头的时候艾斯蒂尔朝他微笑了一下。”然而对上的却是一对寂寞而孤独的双眼。
“我白天要出去工作，那个门后的塔里有魔物不可以开门。”男巫指了指通往塔梯的门，补充道：“你的父母已经不要你了。”
小孩子愣了好一阵，然而就在男巫以为她要哭的时候，女孩子只是对这地板小声的说了声：“感谢上帝。”
日子就这样开始了，小艾斯蒂尔开始学着在她的魔法师回来之前做好饭，种下从小鸟得到的种子，以及开始偷学男巫的笛子。而男巫则渐渐开始在睡前给女孩将些小故事……
17岁的艾斯蒂尔已经有一头秀丽的长发，而他的魔法师则为它施了法好让自己拉着它上去。一天在男巫离开后不久辫子的下方拖上来一个人，这个人正是这个国家的王子。
“我的鸠告诉我这里住着一位美丽的‘公主’。”王子露出迷人的微笑，肩头的鸠鸣叫了一声。“然而这位‘公主’却从17年前的森林消失并被一个巫师给囚禁了。”
吓坏的艾斯蒂尔听到这句话后却愤怒的说道：“请不要侮辱我的魔法师！”
“魔法师？哈哈，真是个卑劣的家伙！”王子大笑了起来。“那么美丽的小姐，我要先回去了，否则家人会担心我的。但我的鸠会将我的旨意传达。”
几天的互通后，一个晚上，艾斯蒂尔终于鼓起了勇气问道男巫事实的真相。正在写东西的男巫眼神突然在一瞬间像是回到了很久以前似的，很久很久的沉默后，艾斯蒂尔听到的却是：“明天你和那位王子走吧，去找你父母。”
第二天，魔法师离开后王子带着他的梯子救下了女孩，他们一路狂奔到她的家门前的树林时，女孩看到她的父亲正在亲她的妹妹和妈妈。
“王子殿下，”艾斯蒂尔快要落泪的问道，“那个动作是什么意思呢？”她指了指脸颊。
“为什么问这个？”
“因为我的魔法师每天晚上都会对我做这个动作啊。”艾斯蒂尔觉得自己的泪水快要落下时，听到了沉默了一阵的王子喃喃道：“那是‘我爱你’的意思。”
问题补充：你们这些个机打的！！！逼我秒人啊
In the past, deep in a forest village, the village is home to a pair of national subjugation and fled here after the king and queen, the wife is always right next door to the wizard's Lianlianbuwang Yangmei, then stole her husband on a daily basis to the beloved wife Yangmei few, and finally in a late-night, the young wizard can no longer tolerate the theft is a stand in front of her husband, the King Xiapo Dan kneel on the floor of the Wizards forward to pray for forgiveness, the wizard angrily to the request: "You The first child will serve as a substitute for Yangmei. "Kowtow to thank the men kept a kind of shaman.
However, the couple had their first child after she went into hiding.
"Monster out there and can not go out Aisidier ah."
5-year-old girl was not until that year chasing butterflies out of their homes, in the depths of the forest lost control and hit the wolves. Just head that will be saved when a tall figure in the block in front of her. After the wake of the window go Aisidier found themselves in a tower on top.
"Monster out there and can not go out." Indifference of a male voice in the room next door-out. Yisidier hesitate to hide behind a small door secretly aim at the men's room is cooking. "Thank you, you saved my magician." Wizard turned in a time when North Korea Aisidier he smiled. "However, it is on a pair of lonely and lonely eyes.
"I want to go out during the day, that door has the Tarja Monster can not open the door." Wizard, pointing at the door of the staircase leading to the tower, added: "Your parents do not have you."
Several children stare blankly for a while, but in the wizard that her cry, but this girl's floor in a low voice said: "Thank God."
In this way the day started, start small Aisidier learn her magic to do a good job to come back before the rice seeds from bird seed to be, as well as the school began to steal the flute wizard. The wizard then gradually began to bedtime stories to the girls will be small ... ...
Yisidier 17-year-old has a beautiful long hair, and his magician Shi it was the law so that it is pulling up its own. One day, shortly after leaving the wizard in the bottom of the braid up dragging a person, this person is the prince of this country.
"I lived here Hatoyama told me a beautiful 'Princess'." Prince charming smile showed that Japan shoulder the calls out of. "However, the 'Princess' from 17 years ago, the disappearance of forests and to the imprisonment of a shaman."
Yisidier scared of hearing the remark after angry and said: "Please do not insult my magic!"
"The Sorcerer? Ha ha, is a despicable guy!" The prince laughed again. "What a beautiful young lady, I have to go back, or else his family would worry me. But my Japan's will, I will convey."
A few days of each other after a night of courage finally asked Aisidier wizard truth of the matter. The wizard is to write things suddenly look like the blink of an eye in the back like a long time ago, long, long time of silence, Yisidier heard: "The Prince and tomorrow you go, you go to parents . "
The next day, after the departure of Prince magician with his ladder to save a girl, they running all the way to her home in front of the woods, the girl saw her father is pro-mother and her younger sister.
"His Royal Highness Prince," Aisidier about the tears and asked, "What do you mean by that action?", Pointing at her cheek.
"Why ask this?"
"Because I am the magician every night I would do this action ah." Aisidier felt the tears about to fall, to hear the silence for a while the prince muttered: "It was' I love you ' Meaning. "
第4个回答 2015-05-15
TheDogAndTheShadow狗和它的影子 ADOG,crossingabridgeoverastreamwithapieceoffleshinhismouth,sawhisownshadowinthewater,andtookitforthatofanotherDog,withapieceofmeatdoublehisowninsize.Hethereforeletgohisown,andfiercelyattackedtheotherDog,togethislargerpiecefromhim.Hethuslostboth:thatwhichhegraspedatinthewater,becauseitwasashadow;andhisown,becausethestreamsweptitaway. 一条狗嘴里叼块肉,来到一座桥上.它看见水里有自己的影子,以为是另一条嘴里也叼着一块比自己那块肉大一倍的狗.它忙丢下自己嘴里的那块肉,猛力地攻击水里的狗.试图去抢它的肉.结果,它两块肉都得不到.因为那只是一个影子,它自己的影子而已.真正的肉也被水冲走了 还有 Whichdoyoufindmoreimportant,moneyorfriends? B:Friends,ofcourse. A:Why? B:Icanalwaysborrowmoneyfromfriends. 钱和朋友 甲：你认为钱和朋友哪一个更重要？ 乙：当然是朋友。 甲：为什么？ 乙：我总可以从朋友那儿借到钱 还有 1.THEANTANDTHEDOVE 蚂蚁和鸽子 Onehotday,anantwassearchingforsomewater.Afterwalkingaroundforsometime,shecametoaspring. Toreachthespring,shehadtoclimbupabladeofgrass.Whilemakingherwayup,sheslippedandfellintothewater. Shecouldhavedrownedifadoveupanearbytreehadnotseenher.Seeingthattheantwasintrouble,thedovequicklypluckedoffaleafanddroppeditintothewaternearthestrugglingant.Theantmovedtowardstheleafandclimbedupthere.Soonitcarriedhersafelytodryground. Justatthattime,ahunternearbywasthrowingouthisnettowardsthedove,hopingtotrapit. Guessingwhathewasabouttodo,theantquicklybithimontheheel.Feelingthepain,thehunterdroppedhisnet.Thedovewasquicktoflyawaytosafety. MORAL:Onegoodturndeservesanother. 2.ASimpleGesture举手之劳 Markwaswalkinghomefromschoolonedaywhenhenoticedtheboyaheadofhimhadtrippedanddroppedallofthebookshewascarrying,alongwithtwosweaters,abaseballbat,agloveandasmalltaperecorder.Markkneltdownandhelpedtheboypickupthescatteredarticles.Sincetheyweregoingthesameway,hehelpedtocarrypartoftheburden.AstheywalkedMarkdiscoveredtheboy'snamewasBill,thathelovedvideogames,baseballandhistory,andthathewashavinglotsoftroublewithhisothersubjectsandthathehadjustbrokenupwithhisgirlfriend.TheyarrivedatBill'shomefirstandMarkwasinvitedinforaCokeandtowatchsometelevision.Theafternoonpassedpleasantlywithafewlaughsandsomesharedsmalltalk,thenMarkwenthome.Theycontinuedtoseeeachotheraroundschool,hadlunchtogetheronceortwice,thenbothgraduatedfromjuniorhighschool.Theyendedupinthesamehighschoolwheretheyhadbriefcontactsovertheyears.Finallythelongawaitedsenioryearcameandthreeweeksbeforegraduation,BillaskedMarkiftheycouldtalk. Billremindedhimofthedayyearsagowhentheyhadfirstmet."DidyoueverwonderwhyIwascarryingsomanythingshomethatday?"askedBill."Yousee,IcleanedoutmylockerbecauseIdidn'twanttoleaveamessforanyoneelse.IhadstoredawaysomeofmymotherssleepingpillsandIwasgoinghometocommitsuicide.Butafterwespentsometimetogethertalkingandlaughing,IrealizedthatifIhadkilledmyself,Iwouldhavemissedthattimeandsomanyothersthatmightfollow.Soyousee,Mark,whenyoupickedupthosebooksthatday,youdidalotmore,yousavedmylife." -JohnW.Schlatter(truestory) 还有 Thelittlehorseandtheriver Oneday,alittlehorsewasaskedtomillflourbymother，Hecarriedthetwobagsofwheatandlefthome.Hewaswalkinghappily.Whenhecametoariver,themillwasontheothersideoftheriverandtherewasnobridgesoverthewater.Now,whatwouldthelittlehorsedolookingattheflowingwater,hegotconfused.Thenhesawanoldcoweatinggrassonthebank,.Soheaskedhim:“unclecow,isthewaterdeep?AndcanIwalkacrossit?”“notatall!”thecowsaid.“It’sjustashighasmylowerlegs,youcangoacrossit.It’ssafe.”Thenthelittlehorsewasreadytogoacrossthewater.Justthen,asquirrelinthetreeshoutedtohim:“Littlehorse,don’tgointhewater.It’stoodeep.You’llgetdrawned,andoneofmyfriendsgotdrawnedinitafewdaysago.”Sothelittlehorsedrewbackhislegsquickly,hehadtogobacktoaskhismotherwhattodo.Whenhismotherheardhisstory,shelaughedandsaidtohim:“Mychild,it’snotenoughifyouonlylistentotheothers.youmusttryitbyyourself,thenyou‘llfindthetruth.” Thelittlehorsecamebacktotheriveragain.Whenheputhislegsinthewateragain,thesquirrelcriedoutagain:“Littlehorse,it’sdangerous,youcan’tdothat!”“Letmehavetry.”Thehorsesaid.Andwiththosewordshewalkedcarefullyacrosstheriver.Thewaterwasneitherthatshallowasthecowhadtoldhimnorthatdeepasthesquirrelhaddescribed.ItwasjustOKforhim. 还有 Manyyearsago,therelivedaveryrichmanwhowantedtodosomethingforthepeopleofhistown.Butfirsthewantedtofindoutwhethertheydeservedhishelp.Soheplacedaverylargestoneinthecenterofthemainroadintotown.Thenhehidbehindatreeandwaited.Soonanoldmancamealongwithhiscow. "Whoputthisstoneinthecenteroftheroad?"saidtheoldman,buthedidnottrytoremovethestone.Instead,withsomedifficultyhepassedaroundthestoneandcontinuedonhisway.Anothermancamealonganddidthesamething;thenanothercame,andanother.Allofthemcomplainedaboutthestoneinthecenteroftheroad,butnotoneofthemtriedtoremoveit.Lateintheafternoon,ayoungmancamealong.Hesawthestoneandsaid,"Thenightwillbeverydark.Someneighborwillcomealonglaterinthedarkandwillfallagainstthestone." Theyoungmanthenbegantomovethestone.Hepushedandpulledwithallhisstrengthtomoveittooneside.Butimaginehissurprisewhenunderthestonehefoundabagfullofmoneyandthismessage:"Thismoneyisforthethoughtfulpersonwhoremovesthisstonefromtheroad.Thatpersondeserveshelp."