托福作文求批改,谢谢,给出等级

The topic of education never failed to raise a hot issue among public. Some people think that teaching is easier than before duo to the advanced facilities such as computers and projectors. As for me, however, even though with developed technology, teaching is harder than it was in the past.
First, nowadays, parents attach more importance to children’s academic performance. They care about the quality of the education that their kids received. Consequently, teachers undertake more pressure than before. If they don’t teach well, they will get complaint from parents and even lose the opportunity of promotion. Take my family as an example, when my mother was in school, my grandmother never asked her about the grade, either urge her to study. But when I was in high school, my mother paid attention to my score in every test. She also kept close contact with my teachers to know my academic performance. As you can see, the pressure from parents makes teaching harder.
What’s more, in order to attract more students, schools establish a series of policy to teachers. For example, schools organize students to appraise teachers periodically, and according the assessment to reward or punish teachers. So teachers must worker harder to avoid punishment. And in some school, they set high standards when they employing teachers. Only highly educated candidates can be engaged. So, if one wants to become a teacher, he or she has to get a credential which is much higher than before.
Finally, duo to the widespread of computers and handphones, people can get the latest news from all over the world. That is to say, a teacher’s behavior is supervised by the society. For example, a kindergarten in my hometown once provoked a heated discussion in society. A teacher of that kindergarten scolded a little boy and fisticuff him. Then someone put the video on website, soon after, many people watched the video and were annoyed with the rude teacher. The teacher turned out to be dismissed even though she apologized to the boy and society. The teacher’s behavior is inappropriate, thanks to the website, the teacher get punishment. The case manifests that public also value education, and with the help of modern technology, they get more information about teachers. Teachers are supposed to work better to get respect.
Teachers play a fundamental role in all aspect of society, so the requirements of teachers turn stricter. Teaching is harder than before, but there are many undergraduates devote themselves to this career because of the enthusiasm.

第1个回答  推荐于2018-05-16
我看了一下,大概就是fair的等级,到不了good,但是毕竟你字数还是够的,能在fair里面算比较好的。文章主要问题是,第一有语法拼写错误,你丢到word里,就能查出来,其次句式还是偏单一了,基本都是简单句和and连接的并列句,从句倒装强调都没太用,如果精益求精你的句子也表达的不是特别清楚。像第一段里than before,前面没写现在的教育,你的句子说的是教育和before在作比较,显然是不对的,还有最后一句是属于gmat里碎片问题,在三个分句后才出现句子主语,读起来也会觉得不流畅吧,当然这个算小点的问题。
你的优点就是文章结构内容都不错了,很标准,段内的逻辑结构,转折对比例证也不错,也可以了,看得出你还是练了不少的,现在就是多去看满分作文,多学习积累,不要盲目自己写就行了本回答被提问者和网友采纳
相似回答